we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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