someone threw a dead crab at me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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