Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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