I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
