Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The feeling are messing with the penis
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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