And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
