If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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