my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
