Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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