Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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