I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
