im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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