Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
