My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
