I think I am morally bankrupt
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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