dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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