when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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