sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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