he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
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