Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Congratulations! We have a period
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
