I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
