So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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