every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
