capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
