I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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