Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
