Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
