He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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