It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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