dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
