She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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