Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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