He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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