I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
