You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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