And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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