Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
