im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
