I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
