If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
