I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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