well most of my day revolves around power hour
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
