so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
