I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
birth control should be required to get into college
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
