I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
