I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
