Me. At least after what I've been through.
...so i touched it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
