the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
