Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
