I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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