found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
