We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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