there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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