This girl is more easily done than said...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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